I make babies.

Okay, okay. It’s not really a super power. But it makes my OB awfully paranoid.

I had my annual girlie check up in October. Helena was a few months old and the ol’ birth control talk came up.

What were we using?

Um… (awkward silence)… breastfeeding?

You’ve never seen a doctor’s eyes grow so wide so quickly.

Breastfeeding? You know there is no guarantee with that, right? RIGHT? You need to be using condoms!

I started laughing so hard.

A) No. Just… no.

B) I do not care to get pregnant right now, but much worse things could happen.

Actually, when she heard me say that a fifth child wouldn’t kill me, I thought her head was going to start spinning. You’d think that as a doctor she would have heard more shocking things than “I like making babies” in her professional experience, but maybe not?

I mentioned wanting an IUD. We really aren’t ready to make permanent decisions right now but I didn’t really want to be on the pill either… She said she’d start filing the insurance paperwork and yadda yadda…

Before I left she reminded that we need to be using condoms. To make her feel better, I agreed. In reality, see point A above.

Here we are today. Still no word on the IUD. John had an appointment with her tonight. (Don’t get any funny ideas. She’s a family doc, too.) I decided to try and sneak in and ask for a prescription for the pill.

You’d think I’d have been the one relieved to hear that my pee test came back negative but it was hardly a shock to me. (Duh… I know when I am knocked up and when I’m not.) I am pretty sure I felt her sigh in theย  next room when she pulled the stick out of the pee cup.

And she was hilariously eager to write me that scrip.

As I was leaving she reminded me, You don’t have to wait until Sunday to take the first pill, you know. You can take it tonight. You should just start tonight! (Oh, noes! I might get pregnant if I wait two whole days!)

Fertility. You’d think it was contagious.